I didn’t catch his name, but he looked like a Travis. He came into the Odell Public Library and sat down at one of the computers - three chairs from me. And as he began to talk, I couldn’t help but lean into the conversation that was happening only 6 feet away.
Travis had waltzed into my right peripheral and greeted the boy across from him with, “If you hear me talking, I’m not talking to you.” It was more of an explanation than an apology.
He went on to tell the boy sitting across from him (let’s call him Brad) that he was going to message a girl. And his voice had a kind of sing-songy tune to it. It was heard over his very distinct lisp.
I pegged both boys to be around 11 or 12, and couldn’t quite tell if they were acquaintances or strangers. But as the conversation continued, I could tell that Brad was less than interested. Travis - not picking up on any social cues - went on to say that this particular girl (who will remain nameless) wasn’t at school that day and he wanted to message her because he was nice - “the nicest kid in school.”
And from there I got a little distracted of why I had come to the library in the first place! (I had called ahead to find out that they closed at 5PM and that it was going to cost me 20 cents a copy to print a document that was in my email.) This conversation that I was shamelessly eavesdropping on was so awkwardly amusing!
Travis was obviously crushing hard on this girl - who he told Brad was in the seventh grade. (And the way he said it sounded like she was a year older - or at least out of his league altogether.) He had heard that she was sick and had stayed home that day. He told Brad that he sat next to her in History and hoped that his message would mean something to her.
Travis went on to say that he knew full well that she had a boyfriend, but that wasn’t going to stop him. (He apparently didn’t care too much for the boyfriend as he said the other guy knew that he liked her - and asked her out anyway!)
Poor Travis!
I got a little more focused on successfully signing into my email and printing my document so I didn’t hear all of it, but the Middle School Drama continued… Brad (who must have felt like he owed this Travis kid something - as he was baring his soul and all) confessed that he gets into “a lot of fights.” His remedy was to train himself (like self-defense stuff) so if he got into a big fight - he could “be ready.”
Poor Brad!
I had successfully printed what I came for and signed out of my computer. I stood up to push in my chair and interrupted the boy’s conversation to ask where the printer was. They pointed to the front desk and said, “Over there.” I thanked them, paid my 60 cents and left.
And as I made my way out to the parking lot to drive the 6-minutes home, I chuckled to myself as I relived the conversation.
Travis was obviously lovestruck - and was dealing with the pains of young love. Brad was obviously awaiting puberty to hit and was dealing with the pains of someone calling him Smalls (or something along those lines).
Travis had cares. Brad had cares. And I have cares.
We all do.
If life were only that simple again - bogged down by the Middle School drama that once plagued us all!
If I could have only told my 12-year-old self that one day I would grow up, marry my best friend, make four beautiful babies together, move away from home, and plant and pastor one of the fastest-growing churches in America…I wouldn’t have stressed so much about my teeth having an overbite and the friends that didn’t even make it into my 20’s.
And now I have new cares and different burdens that I bear. I stress about other things that gnaw on my insides and affect my thoughts, attitudes, appetite, and sleep.
And yet, if I could jump another 23 years and have my 58-year-old self speak into my 35-year-old self, I’m sure she would find amusement at the things that are bothering me know - just like I did with Travis and Brad’s awkward library conversation.
Yes, my 58-year-old self would be wiser and more secure in who she is - operating from her strengths and boasting in her weaknesses. She would have more wrinkles - but mainly from laughing instead of worrying. She’d tell me to leave the dishes for morning so I could play Legos or hide-and-seek with my boys. She’d tell me that there is always time for a Tea Party and to have as many as possible with my girl.
I’m not saying that she wouldn’t have fears or shortcomings, but there would be a certain amount of confidence that she would possess and a grace that she would maintain - even through the hardest of days and loneliest of nights.
And then if we could continue to borrow time and have a sit-down with our 71-year-old self, she would say things like, “Enjoy them now, it goes by so fast!” She would encourage us to have as much sex as we can with our husband - while we still can - because it’s good and God made it. She’d laugh and we’d squirm, and we’d realize that she was starting to lose her filter. She’d pat our hand with her wrinkled one and tell us to not borrow trouble because “there’s enough of it for each day.”
Then her light-heartedness would get serious and with a fire in her eyes she’d ask, “Well Honey, have you been on your face before God and really prayed about what’s been bothering you?”
She’d point us to Psalm 55:16-18…
16As for me, I call to God,
and the Lord saves me.
17Evening, morning and noon
I cry out in distress,
and he hears my voice.
18He rescues me unharmed
from the battle waged against me,
even though many oppose me.
Yeah, I think I’ll like my 71-year-old self! Steady in her ways and strong in her faith. And sitting in the library for 10 minutes on Friday gave me the perspective I needed for the cares that I’ve been troubled with today.
The fact is, we all feel deeply about our cares - even if the truth in our cares is hardly recognizable. Middle school cares are a whole lot different than mid-30’s-momma cares, but they are cares nonetheless! And the Bible is very clear on what we are to do with them - whether they are merited or not.
Cast your cares on the Lord
and he will sustain you;
he will never let
the righteous be shaken.
Psalm 55:22
What a promise!
So, I’m going to take a lesson from my 71-year-old fiery self. I’m going to get on my face before the Lord and really pray about what’s been bothering me. I’m going to throw my burdens on the Lord for He is the only One who is truly able to comprehend it all and not allow me to totter, shake, or slip.
And those boys? Well, I’m not sure what will become of them, but I hope that Travis gets his girl and Brad wins his fights (that are worth fighting for). And the library? Well, you can bet I’ll be going back there! After all, how many blog posts have you read - with an attached lesson - that came from eavesdropping on an awkward library conversation!?