Before I met the boy of my dreams, I was offered a full-time position at Fareway - a grocery store found in the Midwest. This happened on two separate occasions.
I turned both offers down.
My reasoning? I enjoyed the flexibility of traveling much more. I used to spend nearly a month at a time working for a corn company in Puerto Rico and Hawaii. It was a pretty nice gig since it paid good money and gave me a break from Iowa’s long, bitter winters.
When I wasn’t traveling to the tropics, I was riding my bicycle to work at Faraway - hovering right under the line of full-time status and pay.
And then I met and married Jeremiah. And in my newlywed-ed bliss I continued to ride my bicycle to work sporting Fareway’s Dress Code - complete with a black bowtie.
We were young and life was simple.
Our first summer together as husband and wife, I was offered a full-time position at one of the banks in town. The job offered big-girl hours, insurance, a 401(k), bonuses, benefits, and vacation time.
I took it.
Instead of the black bowtie, I wore “banker” clothes - adding two full pant suits to my wardrobe - and felt so grown up when I wore them.
I came on staff as a Customer Service Representative and was trained well. I caught on quickly, and it didn’t take me long to settle into my spot as the youngest on the team. I was happy to earn a paycheck and contribute financially to our marriage.
Speaking of finances, there always seemed to be more bills than budget. We ate “Poor Man’s Lunch” a lot in those days: Wheat Thins, cheese slices, and grapes. It was a treat if we had some lunch meat to go with.
When it came time to Baby Time, it wasn’t a difficult decision - I was going to stay home with my children.
Our first child was born August 2010. I resigned six-weeks prior to my due date.
Little did I know that the decision to stay home came with a financial sacrifice and burden that my husband would feel the full weight of. The fact that I was making more money than he was would later become the joke, “When your primary bread winner stops bringing home the bread...”
We went from two people living off two incomes, to three people living off one. It was an adjustment for sure!
And in the calling of Motherhood that I had said, yes to - I honestly didn’t want it any other way.
Fast-forward three additional babies and nine years later to February of this year…
It was a Sunday morning and I woke up early to my alarm. During my Morning Devotion I came across a certain story with a very specific response that left me in beautiful tears. The happy, broken, thank-You-God-for-speaking-to-me kind…
The text that ministered so deeply to my heart was 1 Samuel 30:1-25. (You can read it in its entirety here.) The backstory is that while David and his men were on their way back to the land of the Philistines, the Amalekites raided their city of Ziklag - attacking it, burning it, and taking everyone in the city captive - including their wives and children.
The story goes on to say that David and his six hundred men pursued the Amalekites to recover their families and possessions. Two hundred men, however, were too exhausted to cross the valley - so they stayed behind.
After the battle, David recovered everything and returned to the men who had stayed behind and asked how they were holding up. It was then when the evil men and troublemakers voiced that they didn’t feel the need to share the plunder with the ones who had stayed behind.
And then came the Scripture that had me in my broken tears:
David spoke up and said,
Who will listen to what you say? The share of the man who stayed with the supplies is to be the same as that of him who went down to the battle. All will share alike.”
1 Samuel 30:24
In this story, David saw both roles as being equally important - the one who stayed back with the supplies and the one who went down to the battle.
And as I read the story, I wanted to raise my fist in a victory pump to David’s response, because I had been staying with my supplies for nearly a decade already. And setting aside the fact that I’d fallen in love with Motherhood - I’d be lying to you if I haven’t experienced moments, days, or even seasons of deep discouragement.
And it’s easy to feel that way - especially when you’ve (using the verbiage from this ancient Bible story) “gone down to the battle” before.
And whether you chose Motherhood or Motherhood chose you, the reason you may sometimes feel jaded or like you’re missing out is because, well, let’s face it…battles are dangerous…and exciting…and the risk is great - followed by an often greater reward. And the supplies?? Well, they can tend to feel “supplyish” at times.
But truth be told, staying with the supplies comes with its own unique and dangerously-exciting kind of battle. (And for those who can relate know exactly what I’m talking about!)
Yes, reading that passage affirmed in my heart that my role wasn’t any less valuable or important. Especially since “all will share alike” indicates that both roles are valuable and important. Meaning my role was valuable and important. Meaning I was valuable and important!
I stood up with a fresh resolve.
I wasn’t just a stay-at-home mom who was married to a pastor and homeschooled her kids. I stayed with my supplies! The ones that God had given me! I felt the great risk - and sensed the even greater reward!
So, if your “staying with the supplies” has left you feeling discouraged, distracted, or even defeated by your bills, laundry piles, dirty dishes, defiant two-year-olds, to-do lists longer than your legs, and busy husbands with heavy jobs, allow me to speak some truth into your life:
Your role is uniquely important. Don’t let someone else do what only you can. And because you are the one to do it - do it well.
There is greatness in your work and what you do matters. Time will bear the fruit of your day-in-and-day-out of this thing called Motherhood.
You are valuable. Kind. Smart. And important. (Thank you Kathryn Stockett.)
Satan is a liar.
God is with you!
The share will be worth it. Yes, 100% worth it.
So enjoy your role, Momma - whether you go down to the battle, stay with the supplies, or a little of both - all will share alike. And that’s a pretty nice gig.